By Jane Bokun
Old age tales are rarely true, and I see them all the time. In fact, you might say they are as normalized as the Paul Bunyon story. I may be the only one who didn’t think about retirement in my 20s, but I bet I’m not:
Here’s one: “I’m 63 years old, have $800K in savings and I was all set to retire in four months — but now I’ve just got a fantastic new job offer. Should I take it or stick to my plan?”
Answer: Shut up. Not only do you have some money, but people are also clamoring to hire you? Ugh! Next, you’re going to say you miraculously have no wrinkles on your derriere. Or, your husband’s sex drive is over the top and he NEVER looks at porn because you’re so hot.
You know you don’t have to ask if you can live on $800,000 or $2 million like I so often see.
“I have $25 million. Do you think I can live on it for five more years until I probably die?” Sure, nutcase. You can live on that.
How about the truth? I saved $300,000 and now it’s dwindling because I can hardly remember my name and my old engineer husband, is unemployed and has been tapped out of the system. Sure, we lived it up until about 55 years old, then it was hellish if not hell.
In my current old age, I wonder where the previous woman was in her 20s. Was she dazzling in a $1 million job with no husband while she listened to the latest song from Tears for Fears? Did she date pre-Bill Gates and he left her a bunch of money because she might need it when she turned 63?
We spent most of our money when we were young or needed to pay for high-end schools for a sophisticated kid who will certainly be embarrassed if we become homeless in front of his tony apartment building. My husband drives a small, colorful auto parts car a few times a week and we pray the sale of our kind of nice home will be enough to get us by until our suicide pact kicks in.
According to a recent Northwestern Mutual survey posted by MSN, Americans think it takes $1.46 million to retire securely. But the savings data above reveals that most people don’t have anywhere close to $1.46 million by the time they reach retirement age. The reality is that the amount of savings it takes to retire comfortably depends on your needs and age.
Sure, my needs include a Fiat Spider sportscar, but that’s like $30,000, a mere pittance in the retirement game.