By Jane Bokun
For Valentine’s Day, I wanted to share a blog for those who think they can’t get a man after the age of 30, or, by roughing up a man and dragging him into your cave.
It works. I tell you and here’s how it happened. I met a man in a bar, and we danced, and he said maybe we could go out sometime and gave me his card. I had moved from Arizona to Chicago and was 30 years old. My more than pragmatic father who lived in Chicago, was telling me my sell-by date was past and I was feeling every bit of it.
Soooo, I called this guy’s office. He was a chemical engineer and had an office, I was thrilled. I figured if he didn’t like me, I would never do anything so ballsy and unladylike again. Like every woman my age back then, I had a check list of who I would marry. I thought he was handsome, check, had money, double check, and a job, super double check. Pretty slim desires. I didn’t realize back then that he wouldn’t always have a job and sometimes I would have to shoulder the burden of keeping things going with my reporting job. It became even harder after I had a child, but I loved my job and my child. Sometimes my husband not so much.
I digress. We moved to Tampa together and he asked me to marry him after only six months, “good enough,” I said. We then lived together for four years with no talk of marriage again. I was okay with that until my father mentioned that time was ticking. I talked to my fiancé and he didn’t seem to want to go down that long, long aisle. Neither did I, really.
Here’s what I did and I don’t recommend it. I booked a church, a restaurant on the beach and got a wedding gown. I sent out invitations and thought, if he doesn’t show up, were breaking up. It was pretty nerve racking. It’s the day I came to call, “the day I married myself.”
I did the wedding just the way I wanted: jazz music, free flowing booze and an elegant dinner. I really could have married myself and been happy.
I told my father, if he doesn’t show up, we’ll have a party!
Long story short, his car broke down and he still showed up. We’ve been married now for almost 30 years. It’s one way to get married that can work for all communities, including LGBTQ. You don’t have to have a willing partner, but I bet it’s better.