Author: Jane Bokun

I have been a reporter with Gannett, People and even ABC broadcasting. I love writing and humor, along with a lifestyle that doesn't bog me down.
#over50chicagolifestyle, over 50, Uncategorized

Looking for a snowy good time? Try Winter Miracles at Door County

Jane Bokun

By Jane Bokun

Some people may not think Door County, WI. when they think of a winter playground, but they would be dead wrong. In the summer, it’s yachts moored in sparkling blue water and tony restaurants. But in the winter, the cold, blue waters of Lake Michigan turn to magical, ice palaces and places to bring home the day’s catch after ice fishing.  

Indeed, here in one of the coldest winter spaces, there’s time for ice fishing, snowshoeing, cross country skiing, and even fat-tire biking. But Door County is considered the Cape Cod of the Midwest and has it all. It sits on mammoth Lake Michigan, which covers Wisconsin, Michigan, Indiana and Illinois.  I am particularly interested in ice fishing because I haven’t done that yet. Luckily, what I notice is you don’t have to be perfect at any one of these sports. Bucolic Door County has a large retiree population and a lot of the people who come to this area to retire, or purchase second homes, like to laugh a lot.

I asked Destination Door County Chief Communications Officer Jon Jarosh, if the tentlike ice huts were heated and he said it was quite comfortable and safe in the cozy huts. Novices like me even find there are plenty of fishing guides to help get the huts ready and help with your fishing expeditions. They bait your fishing poles and then you can catch walleye, northern pike, perch, or brown trout. The area is also becoming known for getting some prime, popular whitefish. I’m familiar with catching fish as a relaxing, Zen hobby as my dad often took my family fishing on Lake Michigan in the summers. After we caught our wriggling fish, we would watch as my dad fileted them while we said, “gross.” My mom then cooked them to a golden brown and our trophies were delicious.

Door County has lots of romantic Bed & Breakfasts and hotels to accommodate newcomers, according to Jarosh. I’ve also done some snowshoeing and cross-country skiing and found I can handle the white snow packed Wisconsin hills with only some deep breathing – and silent praying.

“It’s better than skiing down a mountain,” I tell myself. It may also be more challenging then say, laying out in the sun sipping on a Pina Colada.

After some grunts and groans, it might be time for a spa, I lovingly say to myself.

“I’m trying to live in the moment.”

 In Door County, I choose The Spa at Sacred Grounds. There are a few spas here and it makes me want to stop and visit them all, (I love a fancy area) but I’m on a mission.

The Spa at Sacred Grounds in Door County

Although Wisconsin is thought of as a state known for friendly farmers and the popular Green Bay Packers football team, it can also be glamourous here. Art galleries, specialty pubs, wineries and large homes are no strangers.

Once you get to The Spa at Sacred Grounds, in Door County’s Ephraim, the first thing to notice is the place exudes calm. It’s open all year around. On the grounds there are tall trees and myriad plant life. It feels strange because you want to sit at a comfortable table in the woods and never leave.  It feels otherworldly.  When you’re, like I often am, feeling nothing but problems and anxiety, The Spa at Sacred Grounds is an oasis of therapeutic peace.

Kim Maedke-Shumway, a Door County native, was a customer at the spa for 18 years before she became owner.

 Helping others gave the trim, dark-haired woman a new sense of confidence and she already knew what made people happy. She started out with unique massages, facials and spa treatments. It’s a day spa so there is no hotel backing up the property. Inside the spa, there’s a pristine library and yoga studio where classes are held. There’s a private log cabin where some massages are performed as well.

“I thought if I can do for one person what this spa has done for me, I’d be doing well,” she says with tears in her eyes.

After a day at the spa or shopping in fun stores like Bliss, a luxury co-op made of several clothing and design stores, it’s time to try other winter activities. There are 250 miles of snowmobile trails; candlelight skiing in January and February; sleds and tubing at Peninsula State Park; romantic sleigh rides with Mayberry’s Carriages; Classes such as weaving and philosophy at The Clearing Folk School; and even a fish boil every Friday night at the well-known White Gull Inn.

There also are trolley rides that include specialties like cocktail and ghost tours found at Door County Trolley.

It can be tiring, and some homemade cherry wine might be in order from Lautenbach’s Orchard Country Winery. I love tangy cherries and have tried the wine flights which are delicious. Lautenbach’s, open year around, focuses on all things cherry which is my absolute favorite. Besides wine, you can get cherry strudel, pancakes, drinks and more.

For those who want to try this little-known jewel in winter, it’s easy to get to from airports in Chicago, (about four hours); Milwaukee (about two hours) and Green Bay (about an hour). Rental cars are also easy to procure.

Before this winter excursion, I always thought I was a summer girl, but this trip to winter Door County was life changing. You might want to meet me in Door County for very, very slow candlelight skiing and a generous poor of cherry wine.

#over50chicagolifestyle, northwest Indiana, over 50

Fancy fashion show comes to Indiana

Jane Bokun

By Jane Bokun

Scott said he plans to hold more shows in the future with worldwide talent. Pictured is local model, Amari Esper, who recently modeled at New York Fashion Week.

When world-traveled photographer and entrepreneur Scott was born in Chicago, he wanted to change the way people looked at fashion, art and photography.

Last Saturday, he took a step toward changing the Northwest Indiana area with a runway fashion show featuring different designers and even some fresh off the runways of New York and Paris. The show was held at Visual Works Media at 5750 Broadway in Merrillville. The fashion shows are part of his group, Focused on Fashion.

“During my course of study, I developed a passion and talent for photography and began my foray into the field through recreational shooting,” Scott said

Things weren’t always smooth sailing for Scott. He had a stroke along the way and was told by his doctors he might never walk again or even hold a camera. On the night of the fashion show, Scott pranced on the runway and explained his recovery was a miracle from the Lord.

 “I realized soon afterward that photography was more than just a hobby for me – it was my true calling,” Scott said.

Now, with more than 25 years of experience, he has concentrated his professional and creative efforts on photography.

“I consider myself more of an artist than a photographer the difference is my camera is the brush and you are my canvas,” he said.

Indeed, Scott’s statuesque models included Amari Esper, who is 6’ 3” and also walked at New York fashion week recently.

Last week’s successful show had more than 100 people and featured guests such as District 3 Senator Eddie Melton and Jamia Steele as host.

Colorful and unique fashion covered children’s clothing, casual and formal adult clothing and more.   Fashion designer IsKream Kultur, fresh off the runways of Paris Fashion Week, brought a unique perspective with clothing that stressed, “we are a work in progress” on tops, skirts and pants. Clothing by London-based designer, Stephane St. Jaymes also was showcased along with others.

northwest Indiana, over 50, Uncategorized

Photo apps put pictures in your hand

Jane Bokun

By Jane Bokun

As grandparents, or grand anything, (in my case it’s aunt), we know the pictures we take are precious and may never come again. It’s true every shy half-smile we catch of our young ones, or even perfect faces covered in pasta sauce, make us feel truly connected – no matter where we live.

As heady as those connected moments as soon as we take our photos, they’re going to neverland in the backs of our phones. I never take them out and I want to start. With the aid of today’s apps and devices, we can do more.

If you haven’t done it, back up your computer or smartphone photos. It’s the most important thing you can do to make sure you can always enjoy your images. Luckily, there’s a painless way to back up your photos, and that’s to set up automatic backups. To do that you can go to settings and click on iCloud backup (http;//www.icloud.com). Then turn it on in settings. In the long-term, it’s always best to back up your files and photos.

Besides the iCloud, there are free solutions to back up your pictures including Google Photos for Android or iOS and Amazon Prime Unlimited Photo Storage via the Amazon Photos app. Options with small subscription fees include Dropbox.

If you’re not thinking about messing around with apps there are devices where you don’t have to download anything. A top device for many people is the Photo Stick (www.photostick.com). It works with any phone and can save up to 60,000 photos & videos (8G, 64G, 128 GB). Best for us grands, its easy-to-use and there’s no software or app to install. It also automatically backs up thousands of photos and organizes them for you. Easiest, it’s basically a USB Flash Drive and costs about $35. Lastly, if you want to store your photos on your computer, connect your smartphone to your PC with a Lightning Connector or mini-USB cord.

After you’ve backed up your precious pics, it matters what device you’ve used to take your pictures. Some people who use actual cameras such as the Canon, most likely store photos on disks. But, if you use your Android smartphone or iPhone camera as your only camera, it’s so easy to snap a photo and forget it. Recently, my sister-in-law sent me the cutest picture of myself and her puppy and I never even realized I was in any photos with her dog. Now, I’m obsessed with a photo I never even knew I took and there could be thousands more. I should also mention that I rarely take a good picture.

There are things you can do to save your pictures until you want to take them out and look at them again.

“Collecting photos over time is like a digital diary,” says phone enthusiast Brooke Pospychala, a lively Chicagoan with thousands of pictures. “I love that I can look at a photograph and be transcended to that moment in time that I may have forgotten about otherwise.”

After everything is backed up, there is clean-up for your photos. Find your pictures wherever they are all located on your camera. Do they all get saved to a photo file? That’s great, go to that file and delete the ones you don’t want, or that are grainy, or don’t picture you in the fabulous light you want. It’s like cleaning up your junk drawer. You’re going to feel like a new, well organized human being. If you’ve got birthday party, graduation party or any parties, keep just a few of those photos.

For those of you who are afraid to try new things. Just do it and then you can brag about it. For example, downloading apps. This is the dirty secret of many of us in our sixties. My 66-year-old sister who works in tech is afraid to download an app.

“I don’t know how to do that,” she always says.

I know her knowledge is limited because I bought her a Google Nest to listen to music and hear the weather although it still sits in the box. It only required an app and she won’t download it.

Here’s how anyone can download an app:

  1. Using an Android phone, you can first open Google Play, or, the Play Store app. Then, find the name of the app you want. When you find it, click install.
  2. With an iPhone, downloading an app is much the same process. You can google the name of the app, or click on the App Store icon, download the app and click install.

You can use an app called Flickr (http://www.flickr.com) which lets you share and host hundreds of your photos. Best of all, it’s free. The app, Purrge (http://www.purrge.com), lets you delete lots of photos in no time at all. It’s faster and there are a lot less steps. It does have a fee.

Now, you’re really ready to save your precious pics for all time, or the next family group text. My brother commemorates birthdays by sending each family member a collage of photos he has taken of them throughout the years. I thought, “what a lot of work.” Now, I realize it’s a lovely way to pay tribute to chubby-cheeked grandkids who are now teenagers, or those you love.

Now that you’ve got a handle on saving and collecting your photos you can start thinking about creating albums or archives of pictures you can share with others. There’s a device now, called Bevy (by Lineage Labs) that collects your digital photos and organizes them saving you the time. It’s both a device and a service that collects photos from your family that can be stored in one place.

It might be a lot to learn, but it’s worth it. For some photo collectors, it’s a labor of love.

Uncategorized

My Father, Myself

Jane Bokun

By Jane Bokun

I was one of the caregivers for my father during his last days where he was either mad at me or saying, “you’re treating me like a king.”

It was hard and frustrating, and I kept saying, “We have to get someone else, or we have to put him in hospice in a facility. But in my head and those of my brother and sister, we heard, “if you put me in a home, I’ll kill you” as my father said all the time.

All things come to an end, and he did die just when I thought I couldn’t take care of him anymore.

At the well-attended funeral, my brother, nephew and niece wrote beautiful tributes to my father. My niece’s really resonated with me. It was about how my father knew almost no rules. I too, feel like I’m like that. I’ve taught my own son, “if you walk into a room with purpose, no matter if you don’t belong there, no one will stop you.”

With that, here is my niece, Lauren McDonnel’s, essay about her grandfather, my father…Rest in peace, I know you’re skipping the rules up there.

This is a photo of my father in the middle of his granddaughters. They are Kristen Szafranski (left), Brooke Pospychala (middle) and Lauren McDonnel (right).

I would say that my Grandpa was a lucky man. Married to the love of his life for 65 years. Got to witness all his children graduate from college. Got to witness all 6 of his grandchildren graduate from college. Got to witness his children get married and also had the opportunity to witness 2 weddings of his grandchildren. Got to meet his great granddaughter and watch her go from just a happy little cuddle bug, to crawling, to walking, to running around babbling and laughing all while getting her hands into everything. While trying to contain a toddler stressed me out, seeing the pure joy on his face while watching her was priceless.

So yes, as I said before, I would say that my Grandpa was a lucky man. Not only was he lucky enough to experience all of life’s milestones, he also genuinely walked around with luck always by his side. The rules did not apply to him.

For instance, when I was little, he would take me to the East Chicago Library where they would have a little reading camp for kids. Every week, every kid was supposed to bring in snacks to share with the class. And all but one kid did that. Can you take a guess of who that kid was? Instead of giving me a box of cookies to share with the class, Grandpa would come in and take a box of cookies and walk out. No one from the staff confronted him or said anything. And when you would ask him about it, he would respond with “I thought they were free to take?” The cookie burglar did not stop there. It was years later, but while Grandma was being treated for cancer at U of C, there was a little café on the floor that sold little snacks and drinks. Right by the cashier there was a huge cookie display. Every time Grandpa would walk pass the cookies, he would take one. Would he pay? No. Just took it and walked back to my Grandma’s room. Again, no staff person confronted him or said anything. But when we caught him in the act, his response was, once again, “I thought they were free to take?”

When I was applying for jobs, no matter how many times I would explain the interview process he would roll his eyes and shake his head. Then I would hear the story about how he never interviewed for a job. He just one day picked up a broom and started sweeping and the next week a paycheck was given to him. Then I would roll my eyes and shake my head and tell him “if it were only that simple”. And I would get the headstrong response “don’t listen to those SOBs, just walk in and start doing the job!”

During their move back to Indiana from Florida, Grandma and Grandpa had to take the written driver’s exam to get their Indiana licenses. Grandma was nervous as hell when it came to taking this test. She had me quiz her all time up until she took that test. I would quiz her and while I was doing so, I’d ask Grandpa if he wanted to study with us. He would just swat his hand and say “nah, I don’t need to study. I got this.” Yea he had it alright. But then again, anyone wouldn’t need to study when you turn the driver’s exam into an open book test. You heard that right, leave it to Grandpa to walk into the DMV to get the written driver’s exam and sit down, pull the booklet out of his jacket, and take the test right then and there, all out in the open. Once again, no one confronted him or said anything. He turned in his test, clearly passed, and walked out with his new license. Grant it, little did the DMV know that they just gave a driver’s license to someone who thinks the rules do not apply to them. I say this because Grandpa was notoriously known for not stopping at stop signs when there were no cars around. One day while driving though the typical stop sign, a cop caught him in the act and pulled him over. When asked why he didn’t stop at the stop sign, Grandpa replied, “what’s the point? There weren’t other cars around.” Flabbergasted by his response, the cop told him he was right and let him off with a warning. A WARNING!

Grandpa was always lucky when it came to the stock markets. Yes, he lost a few times depending on the economy, but for the most part I would say he did fairly well in stocks. So well that I like to think his luck somewhat brushed off on me when I had to “play the stocks” for a high school class. It was a finance class I had taken, and within this course you were to pair up in groups and each group was given X amount of fake money to do as we pleased with stocks. Even though this was all fake trading and investing, there was still a possibility to win actual cash at the end of the course. Knowing how good Grandpa was with the stock market, I quickly went over to his house after school and explained to him what I would be doing in class. Without even finishing up how the class works, Grandpa gave me a list of stock options to “invest in” right away. So like a good grandchild, I logged into the fake investment site we used for the class and purchased all the stocks on that list. He would monitor my fake portfolio as if it was his actual portfolio. He monitored it so much that he would call me on when to sell and when to buy. And it didn’t matter what I was doing he would call and call and call until I picked up. One time I was in a calculus test and felt my phone vibrate. Who was it? You guessed it, Grandpa. I ran to the bathroom to answer the call. Immediately it was Grandpa telling me that I needed to “sell gold NOW!” For as crazy as it was for Grandpa to be into this fake investing project, it did pay off. My team ended up being top 50 in the state of Illinois and we won some actual cash! My teacher was all excited as he never had students rank so high for this project. He came up to my group and wanted to know our secret. My group looked at me and I looked at my teacher and said, “my Grandpa”.

I know we can all go on and on with stories about Grandpa. And at the end of the day what you are going to get out of those stories is damn he really was lucky and he did not let the rules apply to him.

Now onto October 3rd. There’s a lot of history on this date for me.

October 3rd, 2007 – Baba passed away

October 3rd, 2015 – Ben and I get married

October 3rd, 2022 – I lost my last grandparent, Grandpa

Looking at this day, and the events that happened on it, I have to joke and say, “Ben and I sure know how to pick a date!” But in all seriousness, I do see one thing in common within all these events. Love. Yes, death is sad, but as the sadness fades, and death anniversaries come year after year, we don’t dwell on the sadness of it all. We dwell on how much we loved and still love that person. We dwell on how much that person loved us. So just how we celebrate wedding anniversaries with love, we celebrate death anniversaries with love too. It’s a sad time now because we are trying to cope with not being able to physically see Grandpa anymore, but just as he loved us with all his heart, we will always continue to love how he did and carry his love forever in our hearts.

October 3rd will always be a day of love in my book.

Uncategorized

The Grand Canyon and the elderly

Jane Bokun

After my son graduated from college and had done so well, I promised him a trip to the Grand Canyon after flying into Phoenix.

“It was truly awesome,” I said.

Post College trip

The first time I saw it, I was shocked. I came from what was essentially a steel mill town that was often dirty and smelling of the billowing smoke from factories. That wasn’t all. There also were people who lived there that never saw the Grand Canyon and never wanted to see it. My side of town suffered from a lack of intellectual curiosity or curiosity per se.

My son, on the other hand, was not that excited. He didn’t grow up in what was essentially a ghetto, and it wasn’t as awesome to him. He grew up in Tampa with its beautiful beaches and stunning atmosphere.

But me, I had never seen anything so big and colorful and awe-inspiring. The gargantuan mountains of sand that had been honed through time and water for years was amazing. It was near my alma mater, Northern Arizona University, and so I often did a little hiking with a bottle of wine and a friend. We were fearless back in the days before there were no fences and buses around the canyon.

“It’s a giant hole,” my son said nonchalantly.

“Yes,” I said, but what a hole. “Ok,” he said, and wanted to get back on the buses to see other parts of the hole. A curious thing had been happening. Everywhere my husband and I went people gave us their seats. Even when we were on a bus to get a rental car in Phoenix, people stood up and gave us their seats.

“Oh no, that’s okay,” I told one Hassidic Jewish man and a pretty girl.

“We’re young,” he said politely. Did I mention both I and my husband can walk?

“Oh my God, I really think I’ve still got some life in me,” I thought.

When the bus came to take us to another part of the Grand Canyon, I didn’t get a seat fast enough and stood in the aisle while everyone begged me to take a seat.

“I’m not doing it,” I thought. “I’m a daredevil.”

After the bus stopped, my son chastised me.

“You’re old mom and you should always take a seat,” he said. The girls traveling next to us agreed.

“I may never sit again,” I thought to myself in elderly defiance.

Then, as I sat in the Phoenix Airport, a worker came up and asked if I wanted a wheelchair? What? Why?

“Take it,” my son said.

Uncategorized

Disney has culinary magazine

Jane Bokun

By Jane Bokun

Have you ever patted your tight, huge stomach after having eaten a delicious meal at Disney and thought, “I wish I could make this at home?”

Now you can with Delish Magazine done by Disney Staff. It’s a product of my friend Charles who works in public relations for Disney and it’s a winner. It’s got 50 secret recipes from Disneyland and the Magic Kingdom. There are even drinks to complement each season. You can do a Disney feast without leaving your home.

Disney’s new food magazine

(From the blog) For Walt Disney World Resort, Disney Springs has a few new openings you’ll definitely want to have on your radar. Starting last March, Disney eaters can indulge in all the DOLE Whip your heart desires with the brand-new Swirls on the Water. This kiosk will feature delicious flavors as well as signature items like DOLE Whip Lime & Habanero Soft-serve Nachos featuring waffle cone chips topped with DOLE Whip lime and habanero soft-serve, mango boba pearls, Tajin spice, raspberry sauce, and whipped cream, or the 50th Celebration Cone with a DOLE Whip lemon and cookie dough soft serve swirl. You can also try the DOLE Whip Flight featuring all six of the featured swirl flavors and those over 21 can indulge in the Sangria Float featuring DOLE Whip and red wine sangria.

Now, I like all older women, love Sangria. It’s got that hint of sweet, but overall savory taste. I plan to remake the DOLE Whip sangria. If you’d like a copy of Delish Magazine by Disney, please leave me a message on the blog at http://www.bpeeled.com.

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Dressing in the post pandemic: style for those over 60

Jane Bokun

By Jane Bokun

I’m the kind of person who likes fashion.

 I know because I once spent time in the ornate Victoria and Albert Museum in London. The museum focuses on applied arts, decorative arts, and design with more than two million objects. What did I do? I spent about five hours looking at the wedding dress exhibit on display.

Even when there are no prying eyes to see me, like in the case of the past two-year Covid 19 pandemic, I like to look put together. During the pandemic, I always put on real pants to go to the grocery store. Even at home, who knows who might come over with a package and I might have to answer the door?

My idol of keeping it together in the elder years, Christie Brinkley

In fact, I completely agree with famous designer Edith Head’s comment, “You can have anything you want in life if you dress for it.”

I don’t want to go out looking like I’ve given up and wearing the same black nylon pants and matching polyester printed shirt. There are women who are 64 like me and have completely given up on their fashion sense.

To the rescue is Sue Abarno, a personal stylist with that pinnacle of fashion, Bloomingdales. Personal stylists in larger department stores are free and there is no tipping. You also don’t have to be a Size 2. All shoppers do is make an appointment. Stylists will tell you when something new comes in and give you a heads up. They will work with other departments when you need other things like gifts and home items. They’re mainly looking for long term relationships with customers.

“We see people of all ages and sizes,” Abarno says.

“It’s all about the elevated basics,” she says. “Women want to remain comfortable, but still look classic and put together.”

She stresses that means wearing traditional silhouettes with updated fabrics like fitted tees with a little, colorful cashmere cardigan for cool evenings in summer.

You can wear traditional knit pants with a structured look, zipper and flat front. You may want to be age-appropriate, or not. That’s up to you. We’ve reached the age where we can do what we want. For some that want to stay within the bounds of fashion, there are things like the perfect pair of jeans that will get them started

I’m hearing from fashion experts that those above 60 should stick to the classics. No jeans that end at the hips and show your stomach. I hardly like to show my stomach during surgery.

The best jeans for women over 60 are those that are more tailored, meaning you’ll have to toss your ripped jean look along with mom jeans and bell bottoms. Make sure your jeans really fit. I always seem to buy pairs that sag on my previously huge, voluptuous butt. That happens to bathing suits too. I’m talking to you designers: some older women have smaller butts and larger stomachs. In fact, I wish I had this butt when I was young. It would have saved a lot of catcalls and trouble.

Right now, I only have one pair of jeans I think are perfect. They make me feel put together and don’t sag on my deflated derriere. They make me feel chic and stylish, and sticking to them is the plan.

According to Abarno, people like traditional jeans with a little elastic give in the cloth that you can pair with short sleeved sweatshirts, blazers and T-shirts. They should be straight or bootcut. The great news is now you can wear them with your tennis shoes and still be cool and comfortable.

Maria Pinto, a Chicago designer of the collection M2057, who has dressed celebrities such as Michelle Obama and Oprah, says post pandemic women over 60 aren’t willing to compromise on comfort. Her M2057 collection features minimalist and feminine styles. They include neutral structured jackets, skirts, dresses and more that ooze sass. The best thing is they’re machine washable.

“The new high-tech fabrics are really great,” Pinto says.

“We positioned this collection M2057 for function. Indeed, Pinto’s ready-to-wear collection is easy to put on and go, making sure you look great.

She says in terms of style, she has friends who look stylish at any age.

“One of my most stylish friends is 82,” Pinto says. “We got where we are by listening to women.”

Uncategorized

How I got my man, a Valentine’s Day love story

Jane Bokun

By Jane Bokun

For Valentine’s Day, I wanted to share a blog for those who think they can’t get a man after the age of 30, or, by roughing up a man and dragging him into your cave.

It works. I tell you and here’s how it happened. I met a man in a bar, and we danced, and he said maybe we could go out sometime and gave me his card. I had moved from Arizona to Chicago and was 30 years old. My more than pragmatic father who lived in Chicago, was telling me my sell-by date was past and I was feeling every bit of it.

Sad bride who didn’t plan her own wedding

Soooo, I called this guy’s office. He was a chemical engineer and had an office, I was thrilled. I figured if he didn’t like me, I would never do anything so ballsy and unladylike again. Like every woman my age back then, I had a check list of who I would marry. I thought he was handsome, check, had money, double check, and a job, super double check. Pretty slim desires. I didn’t realize back then that he wouldn’t always have a job and sometimes I would have to shoulder the burden of keeping things going with my reporting job. It became even harder after I had a child, but I loved my job and my child. Sometimes my husband not so much.

I digress. We moved to Tampa together and he asked me to marry him after only six months, “good enough,” I said. We then lived together for four years with no talk of marriage again. I was okay with that until my father mentioned that time was ticking. I talked to my fiancé and he didn’t seem to want to go down that long, long aisle. Neither did I, really.

Here’s what I did and I don’t recommend it. I booked a church, a restaurant on the beach and got a wedding gown. I sent out invitations and thought, if he doesn’t show up, were breaking up. It was pretty nerve racking. It’s the day I came to call, “the day I married myself.”

I did the wedding just the way I wanted: jazz music, free flowing booze and an elegant dinner. I really could have married myself and been happy.

I told my father, if he doesn’t show up, we’ll have a party!

Long story short, his car broke down and he still showed up. We’ve been married now for almost 30 years. It’s one way to get married that can work for all communities, including LGBTQ. You don’t have to have a willing partner, but I bet it’s better.

Uncategorized

Professional headshots are always a yes

Jane Bokun

By Jane Bokun

The other day I was sitting in my new adult blowup pool (it has built-in, blow-up seats) that I got from Amazon and having a few cocktails. “I might need some headshots for something,” I thought.

So, I started clicking away on my iPhone and thought one looked particularly good so I posted it to social media. The next day when I got up, I actually saw what I posted — and was completely appalled. I looked like a drunk deer in a big, red hat.

That’s why I think we should always go professional with our headshots.

full body shot, sigh

I was dreading the process when I got in my car and drove to Thomas Photography in Chicago Heights last week. When I got there, I was pleasantly surprised by the friendly feel of the studio with calming colors and most of all, calming people.

The owners, a married couple, met me with a casual greeting and took me right away. I was nervous and not feeling overconfident about my looks as an older woman who ran out of money for Botox and fillers. It was not going to be pretty. Of that, I was sure.

I heard the bad news: there also was to be a full-body shot as well. OMG, could anything be worse than a full-body shot? Next, you’ll tell me it has to be in a string bikini. As a woman of a certain age, it’s not easy for me to understand today’s constant need to capture every moment in pictures. If only a professional could capture them for you.

For me, that professional was Thomas Photography.  They made me forget what I was there to do by asking me questions about my life. The owner even wrangled a smile out of me. The first few photos were taken with a chair (which I held in front of me with a death grip). Afterward, it was just me, but I didn’t mind because the chair prop actually helped me to relax and be myself.

The best thing about a photography session with Thomas is that by the end of it, you’re no longer nervous about the outcome. I was downright looking forward to the headshot. I will need a few hours for the body shot, but I’ll get to it.

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Hair falling out is no joke

Jane Bokun

My hair fell out and it’s embarrassing.

By Jane Bokun

Something fell out of my head recently and when I looked down, it was a huge lump of hair.

This has happened before when I’ve been super stressed. My hair starts falling out in clumps and before I can say ‘Rogaine,’ I have big bald spots in an already razor-thin head of hair. While this is a good look for a pandemic when people are alone and in quarantine, it’s not great for Zoom meetings online or taking photos on social media.

Woman with long flowing hair not me at all

Eventually, what I found was, while a wonderful temporary solution, hair extensions are not perfect. They are small tufts of natural-looking hair that are taped and glued to your scalp. You can swim in them, brush or comb, and blow dry them. They may look okay (they match your hair color perfectly), but they never feel as great as a real head of hair. Also, if anyone touches your hair, they can feel the tape.

It’s a little embarrassing and not sexy. Even though the extensions work and no one has ever asked me if I’m wearing them, I wanted to explore more options.

Holly Novacich is a hair stylist who is also an expert in women who experience hair loss due to illness, stress, or male pattern baldness. She recommends the topper (formerly the toupee in the ‘50s) made of human hair for those flirting with baldness. It also can work for those who are temporarily experiencing hair loss.

I do have the topper, but it’s not human hair and looks like a shiny, plastic wig. I showed it to my niece, and she gave a vigorous, left to right, head-turning “no.” With such a great recommendation, I never wore it and it cost me $400. Luckily, now there are a lot less expensive toppers with much better-looking hair. I have a friend who has one glued on because she is as bald as Mr. Clean and it looks great. I would never have known if she didn’t tell me.

My local spa has platelet-rich plasma (PRP) injections where your own blood is injected into your scalp. It seems scary and costly. A dermatologist shoots the PRP into your bald spots and it is said to promote cell growth and prolong the growing phase of your hair.[BB3] 

Angelo David of the Angelo David Salon in New York City, says he’s seen the PRP injections work, but he says he’s seen a lot of things work for hair loss.

“I fit the solution to the customer and I’ve got clients coming in from all over the world,” David says. “The other day a woman left crying because she felt like herself again.”

He recommends couture wigs, but I recently found a product called Toppix, which uses fibers to cover and blend in bald spots. I use it along with my glued-in hair extensions and no one has ever commented that my hair is thinning or doesn’t look right.

There’s other treatments like laser light therapy which is said to help scalp inflammation. It’s a lot and I long for the days when I had real hair I could toss around. That may never happen again, but in fairness,  I really don’t have the body I used to either. So, there’s that.

Hair extensions last about three months and cost upwards of $100. When I take my extensions out, I’ll know if any hair has filled in on my scalp as it has in the past. For myself, I’m hoping my hair loss this time is also from stress and it will grow back. If not, I’m going couture topper.