Willing to put your money where your mouth is?
By Jane Bokun
This is a spoiler alert for the end of ABC’s The Golden Bachelor and by the time this article is over, I’m going to make a prediction on the winning bachelorette.
Doing this is just like when I go to a casino and practice psychic betting. I watch each shiny slot machine carefully, then I look for a tell like there’s a cherry in the previous line. That’s it. That’s the one. Weirdly enough, I’m almost never wrong. A few weeks ago, I put in what amounted to a quarter on the casino slip and won $720. I’m rich, bitch.
Now, it’s your turn. Here’s the stats on the two remaining bachelorettes: they are Theresa Nist and Leslie Fhima. You are welcome to make your own predictions.
My favorite, Leslie Fhirma, has been called a sexy dancer and Prince even wrote a song saying that about her. Leslie is from Minneapolis, Minnesota, so she’s midwestern and that’s good. She’s also younger and she most likely had sex with Prince to get that song named after her so she’s plucky. She’s also younger at 64 and has perhaps more stamina.
Theresa Nist is from New Jersey and is 70 years old. She is an investment advisor and a widower like Gerry, giving her an advantage for the final rose. Both are attractive and brunettes like Gerry’s wife which shows Gerry has a type. Theresa wears her heart on her sleeve and Gerry has never once wondered if he likes her only for her looks, so there’s that. It’s close.
Viewers of The Golden Bachelor are still waiting to see who Gerry picks. Will it be Theresa or Leslie? Gerry clearly likes both. Taking all the odds into consideration, I’m picking da da dum, Leslie Fhirma. I saw Gerry making out with her and I’m thinking he’s not only picking a wife with his big head and Leslie is hot. Gerry may end up thinking with the little head.
Email me at email@example.com to tell me your address and choice. Winners get a $10 gift card from Starbucks. You can use it for coffee, or cash it out and take it to the casinos.