Death and the kind of peace no one expects…

By Jane Bokun

Lately, it seems like my eyes are twitching, I constantly have colon problems and I’m waiting for my disastrous disease diagnosis.

Like many of us over-50s, my mom, who I wrote about earlier, passed away and what one woman told me is true, “even when you wait all night for death to come to your family, it’s still a shock.” I prayed it would come because she was immobile and in pain, but it was still a huge void.

It is indeed, a shock that my father, her husband of 65 years, can’t handle. How do handle the death of the person who drove you the craziest, that you swore you’d never see again and now, will REALLY never see again? My mother was as cold as ice and belittled me as often as she could. I thought when she died all that would be gone. A whole, new me with no negativity. I was wrong. I visit her grave site and can’t even remember what I hated about her. To the rescue, Philippians 4:7 from the actual Bible. Every time I want to kill someone, or myself, or grieve the death of the person who let me down most, this is the prayer I recommend. I pray for the “peace of Christ which surpasses all understanding: ”

It’s a small prayer, but it does the job for anxiety. It wasn’t my fault that she was a bad mom and didn’t care. She really didn’t. I once had back surgery which required fusing three broken bones in my back with the possibility of paralysis, and she never came.

“Wah,” “wah,” none of that matters now. She’s gone and at peace, and I can only pray for it. But, I think God knew things like this could happen. Bad relationships that are mind-numbingly hard, with pain that never goes away, need some real, hands-on help.


So, God provided a little non-narcotic peace that you don’t have to hide. It’s the kind of peace you think is impossible, but actually happens. By the way, I was hooked by that definition, peace that surpasses whatever is going on in your life: death, taxes, break-ups, self-doubt and much, much more. It’s so modern, yet comes from such an old source.

During this late over-50 season, I recommend using it. A lot.