Blog

Uncategorized

Creating Memories

By Jane Bokun

Just before my mother died, a sympathetic nurse came to my sister and I. She said she had taken my mom’s heartbeat off the monitor on the sly. She slipped it to my sister who put it in her purse.

“I want to make sure you have this memory of your mom,” she said. “Hopefully, you can make a tattoo out of it.”

Tattoo? We are sadly not tattoo kind of women. We were afraid with our extra layers of fat, the heartbeat might look like it’s flat lining. We took the small printed heartbeat to James & Sons in Indiana, and had it made into a necklace which is depicted by my niece above. It’s both modern and classic.

According to jewelers at James & Sons, people have lots of ways to memorialize a loved one. They make name and date bracelets, clocks, rings and more. They plant trees, preserve videos, and save voicemails in an effort to preserve their loved ones.

“This is the first time we’ve seen a heartbeat,” they said.

“Feel free to use the idea,” I say.

Whenever I put my heartbeat necklace on, I do feel a little closer to my mother. I even talk to her out loud when I’m wearing the necklace. Memorial jewelry can be done in plated or actual gold and starts at about $60. To me, it’s been a poignant reminder and a major comfort in the death of my mother.

I reached out to Tiffany & Co. (yes, THE Tiffany’s) to find out the baby blue iconic, upscale jewelers’ take on remembrances of loved ones.

“One person told me she mimicked the handwriting of her best friend who had passed away,” one employee told me. “She decided to put her friend’s words on a bracelet that would remind her of their close relationship at any time. The unique handwriting on the bracelet was a comfort to her.”

“People also include pictures of their loved ones on bracelets, rings, necklaces and just about anything,” she said. The way they do it is to engrave loved ones’ faces, or an image that best describes the loved one.

For some the idea of shopping at Tiffany’s, or even having breakfast there (giggle), can be a pricey idea.

“The best way to describe Tiffany & Co. is that it’s a company that has something special for everyone,” said the Tiffany employee.

Indeed, Tiffany & Co. began selling jewelry in 1837 and remains at the forefront of innovative jewelry. It’s been numero uno in the hearts of people everywhere since it began with its own (my favorite color, robins egg, baby blue) unique color scheme, and even a movie, “Breakfast At Tiffany’s” centered around it. According to its website, Tiffany & Co. has long been renowned for its luxury goods, especially jewelry, and has sought to market itself as an arbiter of taste and style. Tiffany designs, manufactures, and sells jewelry, watches, and crystal glassware. It also sells other timepieces, sterling silverware, china, stationery, fragrances, and accessories.

That tact of excellence in fine goods has worked. Because it’s been in the news so often and is so coveted, many people love the brand.

Agreed, the Tiffany employee reiterated.

“Our price point is due to our craftsmanship,” she said. “We do pride ourselves in the material we use and the sources where we’re receiving them.”

For my son, as I get on to my later years, you don’t even have to get the Tiffany jewelry for me. Just get the lovely blue box and I’ll be happy. #mothersguilt.

I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that the Tiffany blue makes me happy. The color can even be found in eyeglass frames. We all love it. In the movie, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” Audrey Hepburn likes to say, “happy girls are prettier.”

If you’ve got a great idea for a memorial to a loved one, I’d like to hear about it. Please respond to this post or email me at janepospybokun@gmail.com.

Uncategorized

Death and the kind of peace no one expects…

By Jane Bokun

Lately, it seems like my eyes are twitching, I constantly have colon problems and I’m waiting for my disastrous disease diagnosis.

Like many of us over-50s, my mom, who I wrote about earlier, passed away and what one woman told me is true, “even when you wait all night for death to come to your family, it’s still a shock.” I prayed it would come because she was immobile and in pain, but it was still a huge void.

It is indeed, a shock that my father, her husband of 65 years, can’t handle. How do handle the death of the person who drove you the craziest, that you swore you’d never see again and now, will REALLY never see again? My mother was as cold as ice and belittled me as often as she could. I thought when she died all that would be gone. A whole, new me with no negativity. I was wrong. I visit her grave site and can’t even remember what I hated about her. To the rescue, Philippians 4:7 from the actual Bible. Every time I want to kill someone, or myself, or grieve the death of the person who let me down most, this is the prayer I recommend. I pray for the “peace of Christ which surpasses all understanding: ”

It’s a small prayer, but it does the job for anxiety. It wasn’t my fault that she was a bad mom and didn’t care. She really didn’t. I once had back surgery which required fusing three broken bones in my back with the possibility of paralysis, and she never came.

“Wah,” “wah,” none of that matters now. She’s gone and at peace, and I can only pray for it. But, I think God knew things like this could happen. Bad relationships that are mind-numbingly hard, with pain that never goes away, need some real, hands-on help.

PHILIPPIANS 4:7

So, God provided a little non-narcotic peace that you don’t have to hide. It’s the kind of peace you think is impossible, but actually happens. By the way, I was hooked by that definition, peace that surpasses whatever is going on in your life: death, taxes, break-ups, self-doubt and much, much more. It’s so modern, yet comes from such an old source.

During this late over-50 season, I recommend using it. A lot.

Uncategorized

Adding Eyelashes As We Age

By Jane Bokun

People are vain and probably I’m one of the vainest. Even when we’re sick, or going through an operation, we want to wake up to a face we sort of like. We also like to wake up alive, but that’s another story. Enter the latest trend for women going through a surgery: everything will be fine if you just wake up with your eyelash extensions intact.

Patricia Carrillo, who owns Blush Boutique in Indiana, knows that need all too well. Carrillo recently had eyelash extensions put on her lashes because she tested positive for the BRCA1 gene (a test indicating a possibility of hereditary breast cancer) and was going through surgery.

“When I woke up, I looked good,” she says. “It made me feel better.”

These are my eyelash extensions before they abandoned me on Day 2.

Even before the surgery, her nurse assured her there were be no tampering with her full, lush come-hither set of eyelashes.

“I got you girl,” Carrillo said her nurse told her with a knowing thumbs up.

At Ulta Beauty, a fun store that provides all kinds of beauty products, lashes are truly a big deal as Crystal Martin of Benefit Cosmetics can attest.

“Some people can’t live without them,” Martin says.

For myself, I thought they would be great. I wanted to wake up and not hate myself or my looks quite as much, so I went and had lash extensions put on at a cost of $80. For once, I also wanted my mascara not to smear and make me look like a drug addict who hadn’t yet gone home to wash their face. The new lashes landed up all falling off my eyes within three days – except for one. I will miss the one that stayed around for about three weeks. Sadly, it too abandoned my eyes like the last leaf of summer.

Do you know about an eyelash extension that will last on your eyelids for more than a week? Please let me know on this blog?  Although now I am saving for non-surgical neck treatments instead. Sigh, there’s just so much to do on an 800,000 mile tune-up.

Uncategorized

Banana Peel: it means asking the things that made you afraid

Everyone knows that life goes in stages and for me, I don’t want to stop the fun part of that scenario. I still like to look presentable and try all the new things that are open to women my age, under my age and beyond my age.

This blog, “Banana Peel,” will try its best to let everyone in on the joke or the poignancy of getting older. I was recently visiting my mother who is going through physical therapy in an upscale nursing home and saw a woman in the hallway parked in a wheelchair. It was clear she was not happy and not afraid to show it.

“Stop moving me around,” the woman said. “I can do what I want. I’m a grown ass woman and I’ll kick your ass.”

I want all of us to stop looking down at the latest project management software that’s destined to change our lives with a healthier bottom line and really think about kicking some ass. Life is a roller coaster and I don’t want to let fear keep me off it, even if roller coasters can make me sick. There are new things to try like Botox (again), fillers (I have a mouth of a sewn-up rag doll and I don’t know how that happened), face lifts, butt lifts, cryogenics, wave therapy, meditation and of course, anal sex (again).

There’s other things too. I’m a former scrappy journalist who has covered everything. I don’t want to stop now. I want to know about the latest foods and what to do when you’re stuck in London or Miami with hardly any money. I want to find out about the latest clothing for everyone. Like any good journalist, I want to know what’s happening with you, too?

So let me know what you want to see in Banana Peel. It’s your blog and I’m not afraid to go all in. Next up in Banana Peel will be eyelash extensions. Why did mine fall off within three days? Why has one stubbornly stuck on my eyelashes? Is it the only who felt at home on my eyelashes?