#over50chicagolifestyle, northwest Indiana, over 50, Uncategorized

Get the walk-in bath you deserve

By Jane Bokun

When my father was sick and couldn’t bath as well as before, he wanted a beautiful walk-in tub.

We would see commercial after commercial for these unique walk-in tubs, but we never got around to buying it. That was a lost opportunity because he died shortly after slipping in his old, slippery shower and hitting his head.

It was heartbreaking finding him encased in shattered glass and it didn’t have to be. Now, it’s easy to get walk-in tubs through many vendors.

Now, walk-in bathtubs and showers exceed all ADA standards. The modern shower heads are adjustable and can be raised or lowered on the wall along with a shower bar fixture.

They’re a hit with families like the Morrisons who gave their convenient shower walk-in remodel five stars.

“We’re so happy with our new shower,” says Rick Morrison with a cheeky grin.

For nearly a quarter of a million Americans bathing and showering appears to be particularly dangerous. Overall, about two-thirds of accidental injuries happen in the bathtub or shower — which makes sense, because each can become slippery.

As for the standard walk-in tubs that my father needed, anyone with or without a disability can remain independent longer by taking baths. Best of all, you won’t get burned (double entendre) because there is a digital thermometer mounted on the tub.

#over50chicagolifestyle, over 50, Uncategorized

Looking for a snowy good time? Try Winter Miracles at Door County

By Jane Bokun

Some people may not think Door County, WI. when they think of a winter playground, but they would be dead wrong. In the summer, it’s yachts moored in sparkling blue water and tony restaurants. But in the winter, the cold, blue waters of Lake Michigan turn to magical, ice palaces and places to bring home the day’s catch after ice fishing.  

Indeed, here in one of the coldest winter spaces, there’s time for ice fishing, snowshoeing, cross country skiing, and even fat-tire biking. But Door County is considered the Cape Cod of the Midwest and has it all. It sits on mammoth Lake Michigan, which covers Wisconsin, Michigan, Indiana and Illinois.  I am particularly interested in ice fishing because I haven’t done that yet. Luckily, what I notice is you don’t have to be perfect at any one of these sports. Bucolic Door County has a large retiree population and a lot of the people who come to this area to retire, or purchase second homes, like to laugh a lot.

I asked Destination Door County Chief Communications Officer Jon Jarosh, if the tentlike ice huts were heated and he said it was quite comfortable and safe in the cozy huts. Novices like me even find there are plenty of fishing guides to help get the huts ready and help with your fishing expeditions. They bait your fishing poles and then you can catch walleye, northern pike, perch, or brown trout. The area is also becoming known for getting some prime, popular whitefish. I’m familiar with catching fish as a relaxing, Zen hobby as my dad often took my family fishing on Lake Michigan in the summers. After we caught our wriggling fish, we would watch as my dad fileted them while we said, “gross.” My mom then cooked them to a golden brown and our trophies were delicious.

Door County has lots of romantic Bed & Breakfasts and hotels to accommodate newcomers, according to Jarosh. I’ve also done some snowshoeing and cross-country skiing and found I can handle the white snow packed Wisconsin hills with only some deep breathing – and silent praying.

“It’s better than skiing down a mountain,” I tell myself. It may also be more challenging then say, laying out in the sun sipping on a Pina Colada.

After some grunts and groans, it might be time for a spa, I lovingly say to myself.

“I’m trying to live in the moment.”

 In Door County, I choose The Spa at Sacred Grounds. There are a few spas here and it makes me want to stop and visit them all, (I love a fancy area) but I’m on a mission.

The Spa at Sacred Grounds in Door County

Although Wisconsin is thought of as a state known for friendly farmers and the popular Green Bay Packers football team, it can also be glamourous here. Art galleries, specialty pubs, wineries and large homes are no strangers.

Once you get to The Spa at Sacred Grounds, in Door County’s Ephraim, the first thing to notice is the place exudes calm. It’s open all year around. On the grounds there are tall trees and myriad plant life. It feels strange because you want to sit at a comfortable table in the woods and never leave.  It feels otherworldly.  When you’re, like I often am, feeling nothing but problems and anxiety, The Spa at Sacred Grounds is an oasis of therapeutic peace.

Kim Maedke-Shumway, a Door County native, was a customer at the spa for 18 years before she became owner.

 Helping others gave the trim, dark-haired woman a new sense of confidence and she already knew what made people happy. She started out with unique massages, facials and spa treatments. It’s a day spa so there is no hotel backing up the property. Inside the spa, there’s a pristine library and yoga studio where classes are held. There’s a private log cabin where some massages are performed as well.

“I thought if I can do for one person what this spa has done for me, I’d be doing well,” she says with tears in her eyes.

After a day at the spa or shopping in fun stores like Bliss, a luxury co-op made of several clothing and design stores, it’s time to try other winter activities. There are 250 miles of snowmobile trails; candlelight skiing in January and February; sleds and tubing at Peninsula State Park; romantic sleigh rides with Mayberry’s Carriages; Classes such as weaving and philosophy at The Clearing Folk School; and even a fish boil every Friday night at the well-known White Gull Inn.

There also are trolley rides that include specialties like cocktail and ghost tours found at Door County Trolley.

It can be tiring, and some homemade cherry wine might be in order from Lautenbach’s Orchard Country Winery. I love tangy cherries and have tried the wine flights which are delicious. Lautenbach’s, open year around, focuses on all things cherry which is my absolute favorite. Besides wine, you can get cherry strudel, pancakes, drinks and more.

For those who want to try this little-known jewel in winter, it’s easy to get to from airports in Chicago, (about four hours); Milwaukee (about two hours) and Green Bay (about an hour). Rental cars are also easy to procure.

Before this winter excursion, I always thought I was a summer girl, but this trip to winter Door County was life changing. You might want to meet me in Door County for very, very slow candlelight skiing and a generous poor of cherry wine.

#over50chicagolifestyle, northwest Indiana, over 50

Fancy fashion show comes to Indiana

By Jane Bokun

Scott said he plans to hold more shows in the future with worldwide talent. Pictured is local model, Amari Esper, who recently modeled at New York Fashion Week.

When world-traveled photographer and entrepreneur Scott was born in Chicago, he wanted to change the way people looked at fashion, art and photography.

Last Saturday, he took a step toward changing the Northwest Indiana area with a runway fashion show featuring different designers and even some fresh off the runways of New York and Paris. The show was held at Visual Works Media at 5750 Broadway in Merrillville. The fashion shows are part of his group, Focused on Fashion.

“During my course of study, I developed a passion and talent for photography and began my foray into the field through recreational shooting,” Scott said

Things weren’t always smooth sailing for Scott. He had a stroke along the way and was told by his doctors he might never walk again or even hold a camera. On the night of the fashion show, Scott pranced on the runway and explained his recovery was a miracle from the Lord.

 “I realized soon afterward that photography was more than just a hobby for me – it was my true calling,” Scott said.

Now, with more than 25 years of experience, he has concentrated his professional and creative efforts on photography.

“I consider myself more of an artist than a photographer the difference is my camera is the brush and you are my canvas,” he said.

Indeed, Scott’s statuesque models included Amari Esper, who is 6’ 3” and also walked at New York fashion week recently.

Last week’s successful show had more than 100 people and featured guests such as District 3 Senator Eddie Melton and Jamia Steele as host.

Colorful and unique fashion covered children’s clothing, casual and formal adult clothing and more.   Fashion designer IsKream Kultur, fresh off the runways of Paris Fashion Week, brought a unique perspective with clothing that stressed, “we are a work in progress” on tops, skirts and pants. Clothing by London-based designer, Stephane St. Jaymes also was showcased along with others.

northwest Indiana, over 50, Uncategorized

Photo apps put pictures in your hand

By Jane Bokun

As grandparents, or grand anything, (in my case it’s aunt), we know the pictures we take are precious and may never come again. It’s true every shy half-smile we catch of our young ones, or even perfect faces covered in pasta sauce, make us feel truly connected – no matter where we live.

As heady as those connected moments as soon as we take our photos, they’re going to neverland in the backs of our phones. I never take them out and I want to start. With the aid of today’s apps and devices, we can do more.

If you haven’t done it, back up your computer or smartphone photos. It’s the most important thing you can do to make sure you can always enjoy your images. Luckily, there’s a painless way to back up your photos, and that’s to set up automatic backups. To do that you can go to settings and click on iCloud backup (http;//www.icloud.com). Then turn it on in settings. In the long-term, it’s always best to back up your files and photos.

Besides the iCloud, there are free solutions to back up your pictures including Google Photos for Android or iOS and Amazon Prime Unlimited Photo Storage via the Amazon Photos app. Options with small subscription fees include Dropbox.

If you’re not thinking about messing around with apps there are devices where you don’t have to download anything. A top device for many people is the Photo Stick (www.photostick.com). It works with any phone and can save up to 60,000 photos & videos (8G, 64G, 128 GB). Best for us grands, its easy-to-use and there’s no software or app to install. It also automatically backs up thousands of photos and organizes them for you. Easiest, it’s basically a USB Flash Drive and costs about $35. Lastly, if you want to store your photos on your computer, connect your smartphone to your PC with a Lightning Connector or mini-USB cord.

After you’ve backed up your precious pics, it matters what device you’ve used to take your pictures. Some people who use actual cameras such as the Canon, most likely store photos on disks. But, if you use your Android smartphone or iPhone camera as your only camera, it’s so easy to snap a photo and forget it. Recently, my sister-in-law sent me the cutest picture of myself and her puppy and I never even realized I was in any photos with her dog. Now, I’m obsessed with a photo I never even knew I took and there could be thousands more. I should also mention that I rarely take a good picture.

There are things you can do to save your pictures until you want to take them out and look at them again.

“Collecting photos over time is like a digital diary,” says phone enthusiast Brooke Pospychala, a lively Chicagoan with thousands of pictures. “I love that I can look at a photograph and be transcended to that moment in time that I may have forgotten about otherwise.”

After everything is backed up, there is clean-up for your photos. Find your pictures wherever they are all located on your camera. Do they all get saved to a photo file? That’s great, go to that file and delete the ones you don’t want, or that are grainy, or don’t picture you in the fabulous light you want. It’s like cleaning up your junk drawer. You’re going to feel like a new, well organized human being. If you’ve got birthday party, graduation party or any parties, keep just a few of those photos.

For those of you who are afraid to try new things. Just do it and then you can brag about it. For example, downloading apps. This is the dirty secret of many of us in our sixties. My 66-year-old sister who works in tech is afraid to download an app.

“I don’t know how to do that,” she always says.

I know her knowledge is limited because I bought her a Google Nest to listen to music and hear the weather although it still sits in the box. It only required an app and she won’t download it.

Here’s how anyone can download an app:

  1. Using an Android phone, you can first open Google Play, or, the Play Store app. Then, find the name of the app you want. When you find it, click install.
  2. With an iPhone, downloading an app is much the same process. You can google the name of the app, or click on the App Store icon, download the app and click install.

You can use an app called Flickr (http://www.flickr.com) which lets you share and host hundreds of your photos. Best of all, it’s free. The app, Purrge (http://www.purrge.com), lets you delete lots of photos in no time at all. It’s faster and there are a lot less steps. It does have a fee.

Now, you’re really ready to save your precious pics for all time, or the next family group text. My brother commemorates birthdays by sending each family member a collage of photos he has taken of them throughout the years. I thought, “what a lot of work.” Now, I realize it’s a lovely way to pay tribute to chubby-cheeked grandkids who are now teenagers, or those you love.

Now that you’ve got a handle on saving and collecting your photos you can start thinking about creating albums or archives of pictures you can share with others. There’s a device now, called Bevy (by Lineage Labs) that collects your digital photos and organizes them saving you the time. It’s both a device and a service that collects photos from your family that can be stored in one place.

It might be a lot to learn, but it’s worth it. For some photo collectors, it’s a labor of love.

#over50chicagolifestyle, northwest Indiana, over 50, Uncategorized

Are your dogs in need of a little quarantine training?

By Jane Bokun

Kip Geyer knows exactly what to do with the dogs he trains at Landheim Training & Boarding Center in Indiana.

Geyer is lead trainer at Landheim, which is a large barrack-like building located on a winding stretch of bucolic road. He has been training dogs professionally for more than 25 years and now works under Landheim award-winning owner Bob Fleming.

“I work mainly with German Shepherds,” Geyer said.

The dog lover has more than 20 years training law enforcement K-9 teams in Patrol, Narcotics and Explosives. He has now added PTSD training to his roster.

Even cuties like this can be trained in PTSD

 Anyone who has gone through a life-threatening event can develop PTSD. These events can include: combat; sexual or physical abuse; terrorist attacks; serious accidents; natural disasters, and more.

“We train dogs to sense what’s happening and to block the person suffering from PTSD from any potential problems,” Geyer said.

Dogs literally get in front of their owners and block them from potentially stressful situations. The dogs may look formidable, but they are loving and trained to respond to PTSD symptoms. The dogs provide assistance in a medical crisis; assistance in coping with emotional overload and more. A trained PTSD dog can provide a sense of security and calm.

According to Geyer, PTSD Service Dogs can literally change the life of a veteran or other persons with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD Service dogs can help veterans remain calm by preventing people from crowding around.

In fact all the German Shepherds at Landheim are being trained for different purposes. Some are show dogs, pets and are used as K-9 police dogs. Owners can also train and board their own pets at Landheim.

“Our goal at Landheim is to always offer the latest and best training available,” Fleming said. “All our dogs are trained under the guidelines set by such programs as the American Police Canine Association (APCA), North American Police Work Dog Association (NAPWDA) and more.”

For more information call 219-365-8897 or access info@landheim.com.

northwest Indiana, over 50

Need more money? Here’s a cool guest blog by Laurie Penman …

How a Product Testing Opportunity Landed Me A Commercial Shot

By Laurie Penman

Participating in market research got me to Hollywood to be in a commercial. It was the farthest thing from my mind when I participated in a product testing opportunity a few years back.  I cannot disclose what company, but here’s what went down: after filling out the screener for the product, I was notified that I had been chosen to test it for two weeks.  The product was mailed to me at NO cost and I faithfully tested it out and went online to give my user experiences and notations as I used it.  I thought that would be the last of that, as it is with so many of the product tests that I have done and I just sat back and waited for my $100 payment to come.  However, just a few days later I received a phone call from a very nice lady who was working with the product manufacturer to develop a new commercial.  She told me that they wanted me to send them a video of me talking about what I do (I was a construction worker then) etc. and told me I had two days to get it to them.  I initially thought, “no I’m not really interested,” but my curiosity got the best of me and I decided to do it anyways and sent it on in.  Imagine my surprise when a day or so later I got THE CALL.

 

Product reviews are lucrative

            “Hey Laurie, this is Suzy and we would like to let you know that out of over 40 submissions yours is one of 5 women we would like to invite out to Beverly Hills to make a commercial for this product.  You will be gone 4 days, our limo will pick you up at your door,your round trip ticket and hotel stay are paid for and we will have an agent at LAX to pick you up and take you to your hotel, then after the shoot is over we will fly you home and right back to your door…are you interested?”

I didn’t even ask my boyfriend if he cared if I went!  This was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me so very randomly and I was going to ride this all the way to the end!  I couldn’t believe my dumb luck.  I excitedly made my exit plans for the very next weekend.  Just as promised, a big stretch limo pulled up to my house and a very nice driver escorted me to the car and loaded my bags.  The drive to O’Hare was full of butterflies and nervous excitement as I pondered what laid ahead in the next four days.

At the airport I was surprised to find that another of the ladies was from Chicago proper.  I was elated to have a travel bud, and she was so much fun and just the sweetest person.  Of the five ladies that went to make the commercial I am still friends with 3 of them on Facebook and we stay in touch.  They were also ladies who were hip to online surveys,focusgroups,product-testing etc and we bonded immediately over our love of all things FREE!

We stayed in Beverly Hills at the VERY prestigious Mr. B’s.  I was rubbing elbows with celebrities……I literally ran right into Cindy Crawford  in the hallway to the bathroom.  I CAN say she was the sweetest person and very gracious when I told her how much I loved her!  As I returned to my party in the lobby I saw George Clooney in the dining room with his then fiance’ having dinner.  It was the coolest, most surreal thing I have ever done.

Each of us ladies got $200 pocket money for the next four days.  We each had a private and BEAUTIFULLY APPOINTED luxury 5-star hotel room.  We ate dinner in the hotel restaurant where I had seen George Clooney, chandeliers and mahogany…….this place drips money.  I felt like I was dreaming this whole thing.  We spent that first night walking down Rodeo Drive and drinking it all in.  The lights, the stores, the beautiful people everywhere.  Everything was amazing, fantastic and so very much fun! 

It was Oscar Week in Hollywood and the place was buzzing with excitement and lots of construction going on.  I visited Madam Tussauds wax museum, walked the “Walk of Stars”, ate at a local burger place whose name I cannot recall.  I had my own driver to take me around town “for the day” while they were shooting the other girls parts.  I took a TMZ tour bus around Hollywood sitting on the top so I could see everything.  I soaked it all in, I had no idea when I might be able to come back on my own, so I wanted to make the most of the time I had there.

Turns out that because I had a DUI years ago on my record, that the company whose product I had tested decided they weren’t going to use me…..however the producer met with me and told me

“Don’t take it bad, I wasn’t ever picked either for the very same reason”…..he smiled and continued……”We can either send you home today, or………the room is already paid for, you could just stay and fly home on schedule, enjoy some time here, we’ll give you a driver to take you anywhere you like”  to which I replied “Well then, looks like I’m stayin!”  On top of all of that, they still paid me SAG pay for the shoot.  I came home with a $2500 check, a round-trip flight, a stay at a 5-star hotel for 4 days @$550 a night and lets not forget the limo. They treated me so well,and everyone was super professionnal I wouldn’t hesitate to do it all again, and in all honesty I’m always looking for that next amazing opportunity.  There’s really no way to guarantee that a product-testing opportunity will lead to something this amazing.  But I can guarantee you that it will lead to fun, and some extra cash. 

There’s so many great ways to find money on the internet without having to pay ANYONE to find them or share them with you.  I’ve been doing this for over 20 years now and I can attest that it is both fun and PROFITABLE.  I can also attest that I actually kept a detailed record one year just to see how much I amassed in a one year period and the total came out to just a bit over $10,500!  It wasn’t all cash, it was products I tried out (generally you get to keep them AND get paid as well) some of the products after testing them I would sell them.  Double dipping so that I got paid to test it out and then also made money selling it for about half of what someone would actually pay for it.  My product tests have included:

5 coffee makers

2 satellite radios

1 cutlery knife block set

1 toaster oven

1 digital camera

1 spy truck kids toy with remote camera

1 bra

TONS of beauty products and food/beverage items

Diapers when my daughter was small

The internet holds a myriad of things…….you just need to know where to look.  Let me be your guide.  I share what I find online on a very small blog called lauriepaysitforward.blogspot.com 

Come find me!

#over50chicagolifestyle, over 50, Uncategorized

COVID please be ovid

By Jane Bokun

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve updated Banana Peel (www.bpeeled.com), but the COVID-19 virus has completely freaked me out.

Since, I’ve had a few weeks to figure out how to hide from my family in smelly places in my house I have never been, it pleases me to tell you that I’ve taken up yoga. Or, specifically, one class of yoga. The company that I work for has generously given us free online yoga classes to try out during the quarantine due to this highly contagious disease and pandemic. I didn’t take to yoga immediately.

May start making cuter face masks as a lifestyle choice!

First, I had to think of all the end of the world movies where there would be no one but me in an abandoned big box store like say, a Best Buy. Epson printers would be scattered on the floor with the latest Google nests and doorbells. I could take all the expensive, turquoise blue and bright red matching mix masters, even a rose gold washer dryer, but who would I impress with them? I could have all the Nespresso I wanted from the expensive coffee machine, but who would teach me how to use it? Terrifying.

It’s like when you see old, abandoned mannequins in front store windows with out of date displays just standing in the window and you know you’re the only one on earth who can go in and try them on. It’s the end of the world with no people, access to everything, and nothing.

This kind of raw, end-of-the-world fear took a whole two weeks. It didn’t help that I was obsessively watching the over million people worldwide who were already sick with the disease. It is a virus that developed out of Wuhan, China.

Common symptoms of COVID-19 include fever and cough. Trouble breathing is a more serious symptom that means you should get medical attention in an overstressed hospital setting where even medical staff are catching and dying from COVID.

I keep planning to go back in my mold-filled basement to try another online yoga class and maybe get to know the other members of the class and pretend they’re my friends.

I am still looking for bloggers for this lifestyle blog. It’s Banana Peel at http://bpeeled.com on WordPress. I am looking for fellow former journalists as well as those who have some ideas about being over-50 and even over-90 (especially over-90). Right now, I have about 5,000 followers, but the blog is growing.

This is a strictly volunteer position that can have positive repercussions. If you’re interested in blogging for Banana Peel, I would be beyond the moon. We will have some meet-up events in the future that may include some swag.

Each blog must be about 300 words with photos if possible. You can blog as little or as much as you like. Please message me through the blog or call or text me at Jane Bokun (318) 401-1685.

northwest Indiana, over 50, Uncategorized

Jobs to be had after Coronavirus

By Jane Bokun

It’s hard to believe, now that we’re all in quarantine, but the sun will come out and so will we.

When I first moved back to the Chicago area, I met an everyday angel named Christine Spencer.

Spencer, who heads the job networking group in the Weis Center at St. Thomas More church, 8435 Calumet Avenue in Munster, started it when she lost her own job and saw it as a vehicle to help on the 3rd Thurs of each month at the Weis Center and the rest is history.

The free job group called STM Career Group, was started abo10 years ago in Munster has proven to be a saving grace for many in the area who are looking for jobs. Spencer, a petite woman who always wears suits to her meetings, has a background in meeting planning and has trained various groups in time management.

Jobs may be found at STM Career Group

“Lots of people come here for jobs,” agreed Susan Strain, who works at St. Thomas More church in Munster. “They can get free help with resumes and hear from human resource professionals.”

Spencer said that may be the ticket to her group’s success.

“We have different presenters at most of the meeting that help with how to land that next opportunity,” she said. “We also have Donna Weidenfeller who is retired from Purdue Calumet Career Services helping people with resumes and cover letters each month and Robert Teets who helps with IT, social media and spends times encouraging participants.  His wife, Helen Marie Harmon, has also been a presenter many times and is certified to give the Myers-Briggs Assessment which we do each spring.”

STM Career Group now has a steady 30 participants each month and as many as 100.  All meetings are free and open to the public.

 In fact, Spencer said she started the networking group, because, “not only once, but four times, I’ve gone through downsizing and merger. “

Now, about 50 participants meet at 7 p.m. monthly on Thursdays  at Weis to network, hear seminars from local companies such as Arcenal Mittal Steel, and basically do what it takes to get a new job. The crowd varies each week from very young right out of college applicants to seniors. Volunteer, Donna Weidenfeller, gives presentations and is a resume reviewer.

 “When I lost a very good job I was traveling as much as 50 miles away to network,” Spencer said.  “I had been thinking of starting a networking group in the area and just prayed about what all this means.  Everything just eventually fell into place.”

over 50, Uncategorized

Next Senior Job? Hotel Desk Clerk

By Jane Bokun

After years of watching exciting hotel related sitcoms, I decided that maybe I’d missed out on all the goings on in the hospitality industry. It is thought to be an excellent career for those who are over 50. Not only that, it might be fun.

I became a Holiday Inn hotel desk clerk a few years ago and here’s how it went for those thinking it’s easy and contemplating the work.

Hotel Work

I arrived and was immediately given the night shift. I was slightly afraid, because there were no security guards or police, but I wanted to try it. I thought surely it was fun.

As a hotel front desk clerk, I checked in guests and served breakfast. What I didn’t know was that I did the bookkeeping for the day. If I were negotiating my contract, I would say that is a deal breaker. Me and math? No comprendo. Did I mention the pay was $9 per hour?

The job also requires you take calls from guests and book them, distribute room keys, collect payments and learn to work a really complicated hotel software package.

“All of this and making breakfast?” you say. “Yes,” you will believe you died and went to hospitality heaven.”

Hotel front desk clerk positions typically require at least a high school diploma or an equivalent. They also have a period of on-the-job training upon hiring to become familiar with the specifics of the hotel they’re working in. How much time did I have to learn everything before I was pronounced ready to work alone? Two weeks. Then there was a huge craft beer convention in town and that was my first night alone.

I’m not going to lie, I made many mistakes that night, not the smallest of which was agreeing to taste shark semen craft beer.

The next day my supervisor approached me with a manila envelope saying she needed to see me. Needless to say, I quit.

northwest Indiana, over 50, public school teaching, Uncategorized

Jobs for the over 60

By Jane Bokun

I know I haven’t written for a while and that’s because I was out working jobs for you. It’s so you know where to go when retirement sneaks up on you and you spent your last dime on car insurance. Since I moved back to my hometown with an eye toward leaving, I have been trying to work in menial labor to see if it’s everything everyone has said.

Substitute teaching is truly awful. I would say, the awfullest, but that’s putting it mildly. So, first up, let’s try on the substitute teacher. It’s the best and by best I mean you get to sit down. I had always been taught to believe this was a cushy babysitting job for the elderly who had spent all their younger money. It would be perfect for the almost-dead.

Me before teaching…

I started substitute teaching at a local public school (I went private myself). The children talked throughout the teaching and I said nothing. They danced, jumped on each other and even air dropped movies and games on the wall. What did I say? Nothing. It was like watching a car accident, I really didn’t want to get involved. That went okay for a month and then they decided to make me a full-time substitute teacher when a real teacher had foot surgery. It was clear she didn’t want to come back and I really didn’t blame her. The classes were either too large or small and the teacher was remiss with lesson plans. She was on pain killers, she explained.

One of the things I was looking forward to was teaching journalism. I spent about 25 years in the field and I never thought it was a job. It was my chosen career and I thanked God everyday for it.

However, when I went to teach journalism, I found the children had been teaching themselves and they didn’t really want to have a record of it. They tweeted sports news every once in a while in case Don Lemon was listening. But they had no actual newspaper on their school site. They stood on desks and bounced on balls and screamed, but they had no real news and most importantly, no deadlines.

I wanted to teach them what a great career journalism could be if done right. They told me to sit down and shut up. Some people and some environments are unteachable, I thought. I kept trying although they seemed to need medication. I got it. They had been given too much freedom with no real direction. That is the problem with most things, but I would say public schools most of all.

One day I was called to the principles’ office to tell me there was a racist incident in my class. At the time, I thought it was a joke. Some kids were playing their own music when other kids told them they didn’t like their music. They wanted to hear K-pop. I, of course, didn’t say much. When does the babysitting kick in? I asked myself. I had already driven to the teacher’s house some miles away to take her and her son to the dentist.

When I got back to the classroom, an almost college sports star asked me, “is Miami a city?”

“I quit,” I said.